Parenting a Socially Networked Generation

I am stealing an idea from Mark Holman this weekend, and taking our students on a retreat called DKSS (Dating, Kissing, Sex, & Stuff). We added our own tag to the end of the acronym: w/o the awkwardness. I'm indebted to Holman; the design of the retreat is excellent, and easy to transition into any student ministry. We are going to address the physical, emotional, and spiritual ramifications of each choice the students will make in this area of their lives, but the quint essential moment of the weekend has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the parents. The parents are coming to our retreat at the end of the weekend to do a letter exchange with their students. When unveiled to my students, the thought of this produced sheer terror in some of their eyes. I get that. Nevertheless, I hope to show them by the end of this weekend why this thing just would not be complete without that element.

It's a bit cliche to say that parenting is more challenging now than ever, but sometimes cliches hold water, and I think this one certainly does. Over the last decade the prominence of cell phones, social networking, and the general proximity of technology has led to raised stakes and stress levels. Parents need to be friends with their kids on facebook, follow them on twitter, keep an eye on their texts, and be wary of their ipods. I have a four-year-old son and a nine-month-old daughter...I'm convinced that this post will be woefully outdated one year from now, let alone ten. The task before parents is not easy, but it is worthy. Every parent should take the time to learn how to communicate with their kids in every area they communicate with their peers. While this is important, what is continually reinforced to me is that nothing can replace the voice (no, not the tv show...it is an interesting show though, right? ...I digress).

When parents share with me that their kids don't listen to them the way they listen to me, I say that's completely normal. I went through the same thing, and a large majority of kids do. The crux of the matter is that coming to this realization does not translate to raising the white flag. What I tell parents is that no matter how much kick-back you get, no matter how painful it is, you simply cannot remove your voice from their lives. It may feel like shouting into the abyss or like your speaking an unintelligible dialect...keep talking.
This my agitate some of my younger readership. If so know this: you may think you want the opposite, but in the long-run you don't want dis-engaged parents. You're going to have to trust me on that one.

To bottom line this post: Parents, there are two things you can't take from your kids: your love and your voice. The two are deeply intertwined - love means never losing your voice, and as the pendulum swings in the other direction, your voice should never go where love doesn't take it.

Communicating with teens is a difficult path to tread...even more treacherous is a teen treading a path without your guidance.
Don't lose your voice.